Just recently I read an article about a pretty well-known public figure who had a fall from grace. It’s been some time since the fall, and he was being interviewed to shed light on the events, the fallout and how he’s rebuilt his life. And, for the record, I’m not trying to kick a man while he’s down … Lord knows I’ve done more than my share of falling. So, I am in no way trying to throw mud at this man. Throughout the interview, though, he continually mentions having a massive, internal awakening and subsequent transformation. This is great, and I commend him for this.

But …

He went on to say that there are, at times, disparities between his internal belief systems and what others see by his external behaviors. He mentioned several instances in which people have given him flack for this. Angrily, he explained that just because people see negative outward actions, those actions don’t necessarily reflect the inner state of his heart. I wholeheartedly agree with this. We’re human, we fail sometimes; so, it's understandable our actions won’t always match our beliefs.

However, the issue I have with it is that he seemed perfectly content with the contradiction. He never addressed the disparity, and he never spoke of correcting or closing the gap between his inner and outer self. Instead, he repeatedly asserted that he had changed internally, and that’s the most important thing. By doing this, though, all he did was essentially severe himself from all responsibility.

Again, I’m not intending to throw mud at this guy, because as I look around at our society, this isn’t something that's unique to him.

Our internal belief systems are supposed to match our outward actions. That’s called integrity or character. Up until 30 years ago or so (I’m just giving a broad estimation), if there was a gap between our beliefs and actions, we were generally aware of it and we attempted to rectify it. That was, more or less, a societal expectation. But today, as a culture, we seem perfectly content to exist in a sort of contradictory limbo between our beliefs and our behaviors.

Just listen to some of the political rhetoric: you’ll hear this comfort in contradiction dripping from almost all of those conversations.

Consider for a moment the two sides: on one side we have values/beliefs and on the other we have actions/behaviors. Those two parts of our humanity are meant to be unified, like two sides of the same coin. But this is not what we typically see. Despite all of our enlightenment, technological breakthroughs and social progress, every day it seems that there is another scandal. Daily we hear of another fall, another tale of someone who’s external actions didn’t match their internal beliefs. And it seems as though this gap is ever widening.

Because our internal systems and our outward actions are meant to be unified, the existence of a gap between the two is problematic. Simultaneously holding two varying – or even competing – sets of ideals naturally creates tension. And without identifying and then resolving the disparity, this tension festers due to the subsequent fear, anger and guilt that inherently accompanies those kinds of internal contradictions. As it festers, the tension eventually gives way to stress and/or anxiety.

We see this on full display in our young people. They are perfectly at home with contradictions in their lives. However, over the last twenty years, the uptick in their anxiety is staggering. In ages 18-25, the number of those being treated for stress/anxiety has nearly tripled. Presently, the amount of money we spend on therapy, medications and other coping mechanisms is mind blowing. This lingering stress/anxiety is not only making us far more distrustful and deepening our cynicism of others, it’s also wreaking havoc upon our social, emotional and physical health.

Now, I will admit that some of this is due to the increasing expectations of society. Our culture isn't one that is very healthy, and neither are its expectations. So, greed, social status, discontentment, boredom, lethargy, etc. are certainly contributors to this stress. However, I feel that the bigger and more important trigger is this disconnect that many of us have between what we believe and what we do. When this critical connection is severed or out of balance, a natural by-product is that our social, emotional and physical selves will be too.

To put it simply: our character matters. It matters as much for society as whole as it does for our personal physical, social and mental well-being.

I believe that one of the primary goals in life is to grow, to become better than we were the day before. One of the core elements of this is minimizing the disparity between our internal beliefs and our outward actions. The key to achieving a greater sense of peace – both individually and socially – is to bring the two aforementioned dimensions of our humanity closer and into greater harmony.

Obviously, this is a tall order. Identifying, let alone correcting, this disparity can be difficult. That’s why so many of us simply succumb to the idea that ‘it’s just the way it is’ and become kind of numb to its impact upon our culture, as well as our own health, hearts and psyches.

But I don’t believe that this is ‘just the way it is.’

I believe we can change.

Over the coming weeks, I’m going to put forth 15 contradictory aspects of our characters that, I feel, if brought into balance can move us toward this needed change. Again, though, this is not intended to be me pointing my finger at any one person, group or idea. I am not pitting myself against any person(s) or their beliefs, cultures or backgrounds. My intent is to simply share what I’ve experienced and suggest a healthier way of living.

I’d be honored to have you join me.

Thank you so much. I’ll see you next week!