When I was in high school, we had a set of vending machines that sat on the bottom floor of our school’s entryway. A brilliant student, at some point, figured out that if you put your arm up the opening through which the drinks are dispensed, you could get just enough of your finger on a can to flick it loose and get a free soda. This trick changed my life, so I felt compelled to teach it to my younger brother.

After passing on this bit of life wisdom to him, I felt good about myself and didn’t think anything more about it. That is, until my brother came home rather angry one day. When I asked him why he was angry, he shared that he had been at the local grocery store with our mom. While she was inside, outside he spotted a soda machine, and he decided to try out the new skill that I had taught him. To his dismay, the machines didn’t work like those at my school and, instead of getting an ice-cold beverage for his efforts, my brother got his arm stuck in the dispenser chute.

I immediately started to laugh.

He didn't. So, he went on to inform me that when our mom came back out of the store and found him with his arm stuck in the machine, she was irate. After several attempts, our mom was unable to get his arm out of the chute. Because of this, she had to go back inside the store and ask the owner to pry my brother’s arm free.

This made me laugh even harder.

The icing on the cake was that, once the store owner freed my brother’s arm, our mom made my brother apologize to him … face-to-face! At this point, I couldn’t stop laughing because not only did my brother need to have his thieving arm freed by the owner of the store, he also then had to look at the owner and apologize for trying to steal from him. What a buffoon.

Now, to be clear, the reason I bring this up isn’t to run my brother’s name through the mud. That’s not to say that I don’t like to take the occasional pot-shot at him – because I most certainly do. But the reason I mention this is because it highlights an important lesson that I was taught as a child (and I assume many of you were as well), and that is that if we do something that’s wrong or hurtful to someone, we apologize or we make it right. This is kind of an unspoken expectation …

or at least it was.

The truth is something’s fundamentally changed in how we handle our wrongdoings. We are living in a society that just doesn’t respect – or possibly even understand – the role of forgiveness within relationships. It is, without question, a necessity in developing and maintaining a healthy relationship. Rather than engage in this vital relational exchange, however, we’ve instead discarded it for the base acts of deflection, evasion and justification.

If we take an honest look around at our society, it it's not difficult to see this on full display. Politicians bending the truth, news outlets manipulating words, executives passing the buck, celebrities downplaying any wrongdoing, clergy misusing scripture, spouses shifting the blame; these unhealthy behaviors permeate our culture. And they are wreaking havoc on how we interact and engage with each other. Worse yet, though, is that this failure to apologize and seek to make things right is negatively impacting us – as individuals – on a fundamental level.

Almost unanimously studies assert that this avoidance of acknowledging our wrongs and repenting of them is having a profound impact on those who’ve been wronged, as well as those guilty of the wrongdoing. This failure to seek forgiveness ruptures respect, disintegrates trust, breeds contempt and fosters isolation in those who’ve been wronged. But, in those who’ve done the wrong it hinders empathy, stymies personal growth, destroys integrity, erodes self-worth and supercharges negative feelings like anger or resentment.

When you put those two realities together (the negative impact to the one wronged and to the one that’s done the wrong), it’s no wonder that our society is in such disarray. To take it a step further, though, our children are also struggling. I've heard a lot of talk about our youth feeling entitled and struggling to take responsibility. But it's us, as adults, that have set the stage perfectly for them to learn that, even if they are wrong, they are free to do whatever they need to so that they are still in the right. They’re being taught these negative traits, and you and I are their instructors.

We need to change this.

First and foremost, we have to learn to be self-aware. If there is a disconnect or tension between us and someone else, we need to be quick to assess our role in that quandary.

What is it that's causing the disconnect or tension?

Did I do or say something that contributed to this?

What was it about what I did or said that was wrong or hurtful?

The next part is where it gets hard. Because after assessing our role, if we discover that we are at fault (even minimally), we need to then be responsible and take ownership of our wrongdoing. Once we own it, the next step is to harness the strength to go to the person(s) and admit our wrongdoing. Then, in an effort to resolve and repair what we’ve broken, we need to be humble, apologize to that person(s) and seek his/her forgiveness.

I know that this isn’t new or revolutionary information. But, due to the state of our culture, I think even just a small reminder of it is appropriate. Because, the reality is, our culture is in dire need of healing. For the overall health of our society and us, as individuals, the wounds we cause each other need to be cleaned, bandaged and cared for.

And, in my opinion, seeking forgiveness for the wrongs we’ve done is the perfect starting point.

So, as we continually work toward a more happy and healthy us, may we never forget the role and the power of repenting of our misgivings. And may we, as we own our wrongs and attempt to make them right, find a greater sense of peace – within ourselves and with the world around us.