I have a friend who, before his retirement, worked as a State Trooper. Prior to his retirement, I had the opportunity to ride around with him a couple of times when he was on patrol. During one of these ride-alongs, he even let me use his radar gun to clock a couple of speeders. What’s more, he also gave me one of those plastic, deputy badges to wear while I was riding shotgun. I’m not going to lie; I was pretty legit.

Aside from busting a couple of speeding miscreants, though, one of the most beneficial things I got from this friend was advice about how to not get pulled over. He told me that very few officers will take the time to pull someone over if they are exceeding the speed limit by 10mph or less. There are obvious exceptions to this, so it certainly isn’t a hard and fast rule. But, generally speaking, he told me that 10mph and below is relatively safe. Because of this, I intentionally stay around 5mph over the speed limit.

I feel that this is responsible and appropriate.

However, about a month ago I was traveling north on a relatively busy highway. As usual, I was plodding along at my responsible 5mph over the speed limit. In my rearview mirror I caught a brief glimpse of a truck in my lane that was a few hundred yards back. I made a mental note but didn’t give it much thought otherwise. That is, until I looked back again a few seconds later to find him no more than three feet away from my bumper.

This didn’t last long, however, as when the first opportunity presented itself, he quickly swerved into the other lane (cutting someone off, mind you) and flew away at a speed well over the ‘allowed’ 10mph. This made me really angry. He was driving unsafely by not giving me assured clear distance. He was reckless; barely waiting for vehicles to get out of his way before darting around them. And he had broken multiple laws, the most flagrant of which was exceeding the speed limit.

As he drove off, I clearly remember throwing the happy finger and then proceeding to host an all-you-can-eat character bashing buffet, as I hurled insult after insult at the guy. In all honesty, I kind of felt good about it because the judgment I was throwing at him felt justified.

That is, until moments later, when I looked down at my speedometer.

Now, up until this point I was wholly focused on speedy-truck-guy. But as he faded off into the distance, I looked down at my speedometer and, in that moment, something dawned on me. Despite my anger at speedy-truck-guy for being such an inconsiderate, irresponsible #$@&%, I suddenly realized that my 5mph over the limit was also breaking the law. 5mph over or 100mph over, they are both exceeding the speed limit. So, as I was judging speedy-truck-guy for not following the laws, I was actually guilty of not following them myself.

It is incredibly easy to look at others and judge them. It just is. And I think, to some degree, this is both normal and healthy. For example: If we were to observe a man wearing a bulldog mask and football jersey, with his face-painted orange, screaming about how he is going to tear it up in the Dawg Pound, we would rightfully judge that the man is going to a football game to watch the Browns lose. We do this all the time to establish context.

However, issues arise when we begin to attach value and worth to those judgments. The above scenario with the Brown’s fan is acceptable because we are not judging his character. In my case, though, I had spewed some pretty negative and biting remarks against speedy-truck-guy’s very person. I wasn’t judging to establish context, I was judging to establish worth … and, what’s more, this was based on an arbitrary set of criteria that I, myself, wasn’t upholding.

It’s easy to see why this is so problematic.

Judging others as a means to establish their worth will always be a slippery slope. That’s due, in large part, to the fact that none of us are above reproach. We all have our weaknesses; we all have our mistakes; we all have our issues that we need to work through. Because of this, our judgments will always be off-balance since our own imperfect nature will never provide a vantage point from which we can see objectively. Therefore, our judgments will always be based on our own biases and/or feelings.

So, I propose that a better alternative is to, instead of focusing on others, simply focus on ourselves. I sincerely believe that doing this will begin to resolve multiple issues for us. First, it will aim our judgment solely at the only person we’re able to aptly judge, and that is ourselves. Second, it will help replace our negative judgments of others with grace and empathy, since we will be connected to them through our own imperfect nature. Thirdly, it will begin to relieve some of our negative thoughts, feelings and behaviors since we will be addressing the underlying issues impacting them.

This week, let’s take time to reflect and look within ourselves:

Where are our contradictions or inconsistencies?

What are things that are out of balance or unresolved in our lives?

Which of our attitudes, behaviors or perspectives do we need to address and/or change?

How can we, as individuals, better focus on our own sets of circumstances instead of perpetually looking at others’?

Let us become people that always look inward and take care of what we need to within our own lives. Let’s refrain from judging others and, instead, allow others to judge themselves. Let’s not throw around our condemnation but, rather, freely extend grace, love and empathy.

Mahatma Gandhi once said, “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” The reason I love this is because it challenges passivity, as well as the faulty idea that it is others who need to change. Instead, it anchors itself in being active, and it puts the responsibility of bettering our world on the shoulders of each one of us. I cannot think of a more powerful way to achieve this end than to reflect on ourselves and to address/change what we need to.

How beautiful would the world be if we all took this approach?