My sense of humor, by and large, consists of sarcasm, hyperbole and poking fun at others. When used correctly, this kind of humor can be incredibly funny. Some of my favorite shows like The Office, Community and Parks & Recreation have mastered this art. And, for the longest time, I thought that how I was using that style of humor was lighthearted and appropriate.

… that was, until a close friend called me on it.

One afternoon I was hanging out with my aforementioned friend, and we were discussing an event that had recently been in the news. At some point, a particular person associated with this event was mentioned. In response, I began to focus on this man instead of the event itself. My beliefs were different from his, and I made several jokes using his perspective as the punchline. This went on for a minute or two before my friend stopped me and asked, “Why do you hate the guy?”

I was genuinely taken aback by his question. I attempted to backpedal and to excuse my comments as being nothing more than jokes, but that soon ended when I realized that what my friend had asked me was an incredibly poignant question. Nothing about my heart, position or comments communicated that I had any form of love or concern for this man. Instead, as my friend began to shine light on what I’d said, the hidden cracks of anger and bitterness began to show through.

This was a pivotal moment for me.

And this is because it illuminated a part of me that I’d not really known about, let alone understood. For the longest time, I didn’t use this ‘humor’ to be funny. Instead, I masked my own fears, confusion and anger with the veneer of humor so that my comments would be more palatable (at least I believed) for others. It was, though, in all honesty, a cowardly way of communicating my thoughts/beliefs so that they seemed more relevant than those with differing views.

Now, I do have to point out that I highlighted ‘humor’ simply because it was the channel through which I discovered how I negatively treat others (especially those who do not share my beliefs and/or worldviews). However, there are countless vehicles that we use to mask our true feelings toward someone or some people group. The issue isn’t what we mask it with, the issue is that because we – as humans – struggle to understand and communicate our emotions, much of our rhetoric and behavior toward others is negative and, sometimes, just mean.

There is a difference between not being kind to someone and treating them with contempt. Not being kind isn’t good, but it’s sometimes excusable. However, treating people with contempt is entirely different because instead of just withholding something good from someone, it actually brings negative elements down upon them. It is to the latter of the two that I am speaking.

To that point, I recently had a conversation with someone and we were discussing how to communicate deep, strong feelings that we sometimes have. This person expressed that they have a tremendous amount of difficulty doing this. I supported this person, and I then pointed out that few of us are raised to know how to appropriately and clearly communicate what we are thinking/feeling. It’s just not a skill that many of us are taught, let alone develop on our own. As a result, we often walk around wound up like a spring because all of these strong feelings are just lying dormant within us, since we have no clue how to release them appropriately.

So, when we’re on the highway, it doesn’t take much to turn a routine drive to work into a Mad Max type situation. At the office, even a stray comment about us has the capacity to turn us into character assassins, hellbent on undermining others’ credibility and integrity. At the store it may be simply running out of our favorite ice cream that transforms us into a Tazmanian Devil of insults and anger. On social media, a single post can take us from happy scrolling to bludgeoning others’ beliefs or viewpoints. At home, an unexpected bill can turn a relaxing evening into a title bout with our children or partners.

Instead of respecting others and being kind to them, we instead allow our emotions to come out in all sorts of ways. And this is not only detrimental to us as individuals, but it also negatively impacts us as a society. Kindness is becoming less and less common. Anger, contempt and conflict are becoming the new norm which, in turn, only fosters more anger and contempt. But ...

What if we changed the narrative?

What if we, as individuals, started being kind to one another?

How do you think that may impact those around you?

And, in turn, how do you think others being kind to you may impact your outlook, thoughts and/or perspectives?

These questions are not exhaustive -- at least not in the sense that they will naturally lead to a total transformation of ourselves and our society. But they are a good start. Taking time to read and reread these questions, and then give ourselves space to fully answer them, can be a great catalyst to self-discovery.

We've had enough hatred, anger, abuse, strife, contempt and war to fill countless lifetimes. The simple truth is, we need more kindness in our world. And that is my challenge to all of us: to just be kind to one another … wherever we are, whatever we’re doing and to whoever we come across.

We’re adults, so let’s start managing and coping with our feelings accordingly. Let’s explore and understand our hearts and minds and let us channel our emotions into something good and positive. In doing so, let us instead extend peace and kindness in place of the anger, negativity and contempt that is so prevalent in our world today. This may not change the world entirely, but it may change ourselves … and that’s a good start.

May we be at peace with our feelings this week and may that peace fuel a fierce and resolute kindness toward others.