Several years ago, a friend of mine invited me to follow a Facebook group he had helped start that was meant to be a safe place for people to share their thoughts freely. I respected this idea, and I immediately followed it. My intent in doing so was to further the free sharing of thoughts and/or ideas, as well as support my friend in the process.

However … what I experienced was, in no way, what I’d signed up for.

Instead of the free sharing of ideas, I was daily inundated with posts from people that contained some of the most tasteless and offensive comments I’ve ever heard. I quickly discovered that those belonging to the group were freely sharing their thoughts, but they were doing so with the sole intention of angering or offending people. There were a few posts that were sincere and meant to present a legitimate point. Overall, though, it was a group full of angry people whose only goal was to agitate or offend.

I was angered by this, to be honest with you. I’m all for sharing our thoughts/feelings if the time is appropriate, they are communicated respectfully and they are beneficial to the speaker and the listener. My friend’s group checked none of those boxes, though. It simply existed to anger people that had opposing perspectives, beliefs or morals.

As I was unfollowing that group, I had to ask myself, “What are we doing?”

It would be one thing if this was the only group that was doing this; but this seems to be norm, not the exception. If we turn on the news (any channel, mind you), watch a popular YouTube channel or listen to most podcasts, what we typically hear is a blatant disrespect for people and/or their beliefs. We no longer converse as a way to connect with each other and better the world around us. Rather, we now communicate as a way to prove a point or to bludgeon people into ideological submission.

To make matters worse, there is a growing fascination in our country with the conflict and drama itself. When I worked in a middle school, this was one of the facets of my job that I was ill-equipped for. I had previously worked with children who were aggressive and quickly resorted to violence, so I had the skills to maneuver through those kinds of circumstances. But what I hadn’t dealt with was the youth’s obsession with watching and/or engaging in drama and/or conflict.

If there was a fight in the hallway, the biggest obstacle to breaking it up was getting through the crowd that had gathered to watch (not help). If my kids weren’t watching a real fight amongst their peers, they were watching videos of people fighting on YouTube. And, if this wasn’t enough, they were continually provoking and instigating one another, which almost always ended in a conflict of some sort.

We are a society that is not only fascinated by drama and contention, but one that actually attempts to create it through our words, attitudes and actions.

And for a while -- I have to be honest -- I was hooked. I would often scroll down through Facebook posts and pause on those that showed charged conversations between politicians or other prominent figures. It’s fascinating because, on one hand I knew that watching this conflict was unhealthy, however, on the other hand it kind of got my blood flowing. It was as if watching the conflict was some sordid way of creating a target for me to channel all of my anger toward.

What I quickly realized, though, was that watching these only heightened my anxiety and actually made me angrier. I could sense this in my body, but I could also sense in it the way that I interacted with others. I was less patient, understanding and focused on resolution. I cared less about their feelings and more about being heard and being right. When I finally realized this, I began to distance myself from the news and other media outlets, such as Facebook.

In the years since I have been a lot less stressed and generally happier. Without the continual negativity, my heart and mind are open to instead soak in the beauty that is still present in our world. That is all well and good, but that still doesn’t move us any closer to peace.

And that is because peace is different than many of us understand it to be. Most of us (as I myself used to do) believe peace to merely be the absence of conflict. And, while it does involve this, that is not the fundamental element that makes peace what it is. At its core, peace is a kind of harmony. It’s a state where things are good and healthy, even amidst disagreements or competing value systems. This difference is crucial because it repositions peace as active, not passive.

Because the truth is, peace takes a lot of effort and intention.

It takes a lot of strength and resolve to not lash out when we feel our voices aren’t heard or that they’ve been ignored. It requires grace and forgiveness to respond with kindness when others attack or walk all over our belief systems. It requires patience and fortitude to remain in a conversation in which the other person is pontificating, not actually communicating. It takes incredible depth of character to care for and empathize with a person when they continually position themselves as the victim.

Despite all of this, though, peace is and always will be a better way. Peace fully realized isn’t about an agenda, it’s not about the absence of fighting, and it’s not even about our collective/personal rights. It’s about the dignity and respect of the whole. Peace is being able to exist with others who do not share our beliefs, values or viewpoints, and YET still respect, honor and engage one another as beautiful and valuable human beings.

When we look at peace in that light, it’s no wonder that it’s so rare, but also so coveted. Peace is the ideal. So, the question becomes, what are we doing to push ourselves and our society toward this end?

Are there persons or people groups that we have difficulty with?

Do we, through our attitudes or rhetoric, create conflict instead of peace?

And, if so, what internal systems within us do we need to address in order to move toward true peace?

I know that peace is real because I have experienced it firsthand. So, I know that it’s attainable. But what are we doing to foster it? That is my challenge this week. Let’s take the time to reflect on the questions above and wrestle with the answers, no matter what they may be. And let’s work toward changing our dispositions so that patience, love and empathy abound.

Because, in the end, our world will never get any better through contention … but it will through peace.